May

I have to quietly type this as there is a sleeping boy next to me. I've been thinking about time. There are seasons of life where I think you have to be unselfish (there's got to be another word for that), more unselfish than others. I am at that time in my life. There are things I am really interested in doing - calligraphy for one, more quilts, gardening, and whatnot. Right now I'm not able to do everything on my wishlist, there simply isn't enough time for myself. I do squeeze in a 20 minute workout each day (since my birthday!), and I do manage to read during his naptime - Bible study, maybe fold clothes, tidy up small spaces, and a general recharge for myself. (Immune disorders that keep me from functioning at full capacity all the time - I honestly must rest).

We are also in the process of nursing the family patriarch, who is, I'm sad to say, slowly declining.  At 96 he's lived a full-life and I've been apart of that life for the last 10 years. I often recall to him times when I would visit the husband before we wed and he would ask me to take him out to lunch, every day, and that no matter how many times we told him no, he always fed the dogs. Always. Again, time.

I believe that eternity will be an amazing place and I know that I will be there, but the challenge of getting there is what really frightens me. What road will I have to suffer? I already to take on so much with an anxious mind, I pray it would not be too much. I'm not sure if it's turning 30, having what I would call a mini-breakdown or whatever it is that has me thinking so much about time.

In happier news I've finally begun sewing once more with a happy heart. Going slowly, reminding myself to enjoy the process. I have a hard time doing that in general.  I'm aiming to complete the Christmas quilt from last year for a June birthday gift.

We've settled into a lovely pattern at home, grass is sprouting, trees have been planted. My husband cleverly purchased dogwoods for our "wooden" anniversary.

My anxiety is at an all time high as of late. In new ways, but yet I've pressed on and tried to push myself in uncomfortable positions. This weekend was my brother's graduation from college.  Hopefully, all will be calm again relatively soon especially with the holidays fast approaching and that I will be going out of my (suddenly small) comfort zone once more. 

"God, give us strength to remain faithful, eyes to see the miracle of Jesus’s birth, and the heart to bear the responsibility of stewarding the good gifts you’ve given us. Help us draw near to you in our waiting, our excitement, and our expectation. Amen." SheReadsTruth

After a nasty experience with an egg white, two weeks ago, the boy was recently tested for allergies. The results came back on Friday and they were startling! He's obviously allergic to egg whites ( hello full body rash, vomiting and upset tummy which is what started the entire test), corn, wheat, sesame seeds, peanuts, CHICKEN, soy, MILK, pet dander and strangely enough cockroaches. Chicken allergy? Thanks to Dr. Google, I've learned that these are all likely to be one of those "he'll grow out of it," things but nevertheless I was worried, and most people with egg allergies are often able to eat eggs in products - like baked goods, fried foods, etc. Since the issue is the level of "cooked" eggs are, in those things. That explains why he's able to eat chicken tenders with the breading removed with no issue, or at least was.

Thankfully since our results (Friday), I've become more calm about the entire thing. Sadly, for the boy he's had no milk, or his beloved puffs. He's been signing for them like crazy and thankfully I've found a replacement which I had shipped on a two day shipment ( thanks for Amazon Mom offering a three month trial!) and expect them early next week. The boy also loves chicken and I'm sad to see that go, for now.  I've had friends who have children with allergies and they've successfully grown out of them in about a years time. Thankfully, these allergies (aside from the egg whites) are mild. Our Pediatrician's office will be ringing me next week for an appointment with ENT (Ear, Nose and Throat & Allergist). Next week is also my brother's graduation from University. I'm hoping to have all resolved with our allergist soon.

On top of that I've found that my sewing machine will not be cost worthy to repair but I'll need to purchase a new one, and that needs to be budgeted for January. I'm a bit sad as I really liked my machine but an upgrade could be good.  Sadly, my plans for a graduation gift for my brother is now on hold.